I worry sometimes about the nature of my posts, and how it must seem that there is always "something". I'm coming to terms with the fact that I am a melancholic person, and that the darkness will never be far away. The twist though is that I'm what you might call an optimisitic melancholic; as a child of God, the darkness may be close by, but my eyes are being opened to see how the love of God is present in and transforms even the darkest place.
I laugh at myself sometimes because of how I seem to make everything more complicated than it needs to be, or at least more complicated than it seems to be for others. I guess I just like to dig, and explore, and I have endless questions to ask. Most often I come back to the simple answers, with a new understanding that what at first seemed trite has a depth and richness that I can barely fathom.
This morning I was exploring the stirrings of something that has been scarce lately. "What is that feeling? I know that one..." It's joy. Instead of trying not to look at my fears and anxieties, my eyes are looking to Jesus. Looking at Him, the joy returns, I rest in His peace, and suddenly I can enjoy today's blessings that were simply the source of anxiety when I looked directly at them.
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3 comments:
"I laugh at myself sometimes because of how I seem to make everything more complicated than it needs to be, or at least more complicated than it seems to be for others."
hey, that sounds like me!
Incidently, one of the message of a Bible Conference I attended last night was about focus. The speaker asked, "When faced with pressure, where is our focus? Is our focus on the blessing or the blesser, the answer or the one who answers, the problem or the one who is able to deliver, the provision or the provider?
"suddenly I can enjoy today's blessings that were simply the source of anxiety when I looked directly at them."
that's a simple and direct illustration of what could be if we have facued on God instead.
Thank you for sharing.
This is a great post -- I stumbled across your blog when looking for other devotees of Frederick Buechner, and I'm glad I did. I'm in the midst of my own discernment process now (which may eventually with Episcopal seminary), and I'm taking the opportunity (as Buechner would say) to look back at the voice of God through the incidents in my life.
Thanks for sharing this post; look forward to reading many others!
Late in responding to comments (sorry)
rk- thanks for your thoughtful comments. I always appreciate them. This blogging thing is pretty neat, when we're able to stumble upon and connect with people on opposite sides of the world like this.
Matt- thank you for your comment. It's always nice to hear from someone who enjoys a post (and nice to know what I'm writing isn't completely nonsensical :) ) I'll be checking out your blog as well.
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