I'm not a Strong Christian

I said this to some people recently, and I think I sounded kind of crazy. I think maybe they wondered why I was admitting such a thing.

Looking back to the days when I first "gave in" and offered God all of me, I realize that underneath it all I thought I had a lot to offer Him. I held mentors and Christian leaders up on pedestals, and made it my goal to be a strong Christian. I also became a judgmental person, but that seemed insignificant compared to the gains I was able to make using my willpower to become a moral and upright person, active in the ministry.

I have to say, I'm disillusioned with all of that now. Don't get me wrong, this is not to say that I am disillusioned with God. Indeed not. I'm disillusioned, you could say, with myself.

I can't change myself. I have a strong will-power, but that's no use to God. My will-power was never even remotely sucessful in changing anything but the outside. The only real changes have come when I have acknowledged my helplessness to God, allowing Him to work.

So now, I joyfully acknowledge that I am WEAK. With that acknowledgement, so many ridiculous burdens fall from my shoulders. The burden to be something. The burden to impress. The burden and pressure to be perfect.

It all goes back to that original lie in the Garden of Eden that we don't need God, and can do it ourselves. He never expected me to; so shrugging off that burden I skip happily along my way.

Anyone else want a bracelet that says "LIVE WEAK"? :)