Addendum to "Asking Questions"

I realize my last post could be a bit scary for some people to read. I can remember a time when those thoughts would have scared me. I wouldn't have wanted to let myself think down those lines, let alone encourage others to. It could lead to dangerous places...

I write it now, because there is freedom to be found as well.

As I sat talking to this friend, I couldn't help noting the peace that I felt. I felt sadness for him, yes, but not in a condescending, "how could you possibly think that?" kind of way. I felt sadness for him because I understand the difficulty of that question, and others, but know that it doesn't have to end up that way.

I am not afraid of hearing people's questions about faith and christianity. I have to smile inside sometimes when someone brings out their "trump card" thinking that they will shatter the foundations of my faith. In so many different situations, times and places I have heard those questions. I don't mean to be condescending as if I have God and the universe figured out completely. Of course I don't. But I smile because I myself have asked those questions. I have asked them from some deep and tremendously painful valleys. My faith has only grown from those experiences.

I was thinking this morning about something my friend Beth Shannon said to me years ago. We were talking about proofs that God exists. She told me that the only proof that no one can refute is a transformed life.

In the end, late at night when those questions come, I believe in God not simply because of intellectual answers I have heard; I believe in Him because I cannot deny the way that He has changed my life.

He has changed my life not just in the sense that I used to do bad things and now I do good things. Goodness, if that was the extent- Lord, take me now! I could accomplish that with self will-power. No, I mean He has completely transformed my life. He brought me- to use an often-used cliche- from darkness into light. He has delivered me from depression, self-pity into freedom and peace. In the midst of incredible pain in the loss of my sister- God met me there, and gave me His peace, strength and joy- yes, joy!

Obviously I haven't arrived. But I am NOT what I once was. I've tried plenty to change myself to be the person I want to be, but those attempts have never worked. No amount of positive thinking could do the work in me that I have seen God do. Of course my words are just words, and you don't have the view that I do. I suspect though, that many of you have stories a lot like mine.