Monday, November 07, 2005

Weak

I'm a mess. I was journalling this morning, and I told God that if I looked like how I feel, I'd be lying limp like a rag doll with my face in the dirt.

Then He brought to mind Psalm 34:4,5:
"I sought the LORD, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed."

Wipe that dirt off, and look to Him. ...their faces will never be ashamed

I used to pride myself on my vulnerability and transparency. Lately God has been showing me how I am still in kindergarten in this area. He's shown me that I can't go any further until I agree to let myself be weak.

He's shown me that I want to be strong, not because I want others to see His strength, but because I want them to be impressed with my faith. Wow. I had to repent of that. Thank You Father for your forgiveness! He showed me that I want to have it all together, because I am still believing the original lie: "I should be as god"- therefore weakness is shameful.

I'm a mess right now because He has shown me areas I need to let myself be weak in- and it is terrifying! I'm a mess, because it hurts so much when He digs like this. Though I agree to His work with my will, my feelings betray me at every turn.

... He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears...

1 comment:

Mynamyn said...

Jennifer, you don't know me, but I stumbled across your blog this morning at a time in my life when I really needed it. I just turned 25 last week, too, and I've been feeling really down lately. The Lord is digging into me right now, as well, and your faith has helped me remember who I am. I don't know what religion you are, but it doesn't matter. Faith in God is universal. Thank you so much for your words of faith.