I'm a mess. I was journalling this morning, and I told God that if I looked like how I feel, I'd be lying limp like a rag doll with my face in the dirt.
Then He brought to mind Psalm 34:4,5:
"I sought the LORD, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces will never be ashamed."
Wipe that dirt off, and look to Him. ...their faces will never be ashamed
I used to pride myself on my vulnerability and transparency. Lately God has been showing me how I am still in kindergarten in this area. He's shown me that I can't go any further until I agree to let myself be weak.
He's shown me that I want to be strong, not because I want others to see His strength, but because I want them to be impressed with my faith. Wow. I had to repent of that. Thank You Father for your forgiveness! He showed me that I want to have it all together, because I am still believing the original lie: "I should be as god"- therefore weakness is shameful.
I'm a mess right now because He has shown me areas I need to let myself be weak in- and it is terrifying! I'm a mess, because it hurts so much when He digs like this. Though I agree to His work with my will, my feelings betray me at every turn.
... He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears...
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"And He said, 'My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest.' Then Moses said to Him, 'If Your presence does not go with us, do not lead us up from here.'" Exodus 33:14,15
About Me
- Jennifer
- You want to know about me? Well, I am a child of God, on a journey. This blog is my invitation to you to share some of it with me.
Video of the week- Parkour: a clip from the movie B13
This is my favourite movie chase sequence ever. It's a clip from an excellent French movie called B13. In my dreams I can do the stuff these guys are doing. Maybe it's time for me to take up Parkour. :)
A sampling of some blogs I like
Some of my favourite sites
What I'm listening to
- Surface 2 Air
- The Fray
- John Mayer
- Jack Johnson
- Mute Math
- Death Cab for Cutie
What I'm Reading
- Velvet Elvis, by Rob Bell
- Children of Dune, by Frank Herbert
- Organic Church, by Neil Cole
- True-Faced
- Telling Secrets, by Frederick Buechner
1 comment:
Jennifer, you don't know me, but I stumbled across your blog this morning at a time in my life when I really needed it. I just turned 25 last week, too, and I've been feeling really down lately. The Lord is digging into me right now, as well, and your faith has helped me remember who I am. I don't know what religion you are, but it doesn't matter. Faith in God is universal. Thank you so much for your words of faith.
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