My mom asked me last night if I'm sure I want to share this much on my blog, since some of it is kind of personal. I told her I was sure. If my blog is my opportunity to share some of my journey with other people, then I want to share my real journey... not the polished and cleaned up version. Later on in the same conversation, she commented that from her observations, the people who live the most open lives are the happiest, because they don't live in fear of what others think.
I hope my sharing doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. But I guess it's your choice if you want to read it in the first place. :)
I know it is scary to see someone else go down into the depths, I think we secretly fear that they won't make it, or that God won't be enough. I've learned that when I let God take me into the depths, He brings His love there. I've learned that when I experience the depths, I can also experience heights that I would never before have imagined.
I wrote this yesterday to a friend:
A couple of years ago God challenged me with a quote from C.S. Lewis (my paraphrase, from memory) "The only place outside of heaven where one can be perfectly safe from all of the trials and perturbations of love... is hell." He challenged me not to shut down my heart, but to let it feel, to let it love, even though it could be ripped apart. The funny thing is that when I let my walls down, I learned I was right, being vulnerable let me get hurt. I have been hurt a hundred times more since that time, than I ever had before. I have also experienced more joy and wonder than I could ever have imagined. I choose a life of heights and depths, rather than the safer, middle way.
For those of you who are still worried about me: there is joy in my heart that I cannot contain.
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2 comments:
I've vacillated between sharing rather personal things on my blog and being incredibly superficial. I still don't know which is better. I hate my extremely superficial posts but there are times when that's all I feelup to sharing. I think I do have a fear that people will think.... a number of things (ie. she's gone off her rocker, etc.) if I am so honest with how I'm doing. However, I think that there are so many benefits to being transparent with others. Especially if God can use your transparency to encourage others as they follow the Lord.
Thanks for your sharing Jennifer. I appreciate it.
Beth- thank you. Your comment means a lot to me. You know that naked feeling when you share a lot, and don't know how it's being taken?
Let me just say that I enjoy your blog, I like to read the range of things that you write about. The superficial things are a part of life, just like the deeper and more personal things. I like your recent posts. Thanks for sharing them. It helps us here know how to pray for you, and we learn from your journey as well.
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